I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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