My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
