Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
MIDGETS
????
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
