Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize