I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
