I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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