What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
