I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
