I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
did you just send me my own nude
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
