cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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