help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
