Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Damn victory sex feels great
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The air taste purple.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
