Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
