I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
