I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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