I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
