I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Couch. On fire.
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