By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
