she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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