Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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