i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
