There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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