when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
