my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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