i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
NoShamevember. You game?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
