dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
