i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
