o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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