The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
