her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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