Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
