Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
