Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
