she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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