I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
