Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
