i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
