I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize