Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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