9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Randomize
