I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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