Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
