I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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