I'm going to jail i love you
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
