Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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