somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
