She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
