She's JV to your varsity
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
