I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
