Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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