none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
