Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
