I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
